a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
