She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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