thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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