Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
