proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
