he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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