I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
