Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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