there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
