What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
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I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
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It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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