Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
How drunk are you?
Completed.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
