Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
