im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
my liver is dry heaving
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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