you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
