I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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