Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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