you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
