You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
