so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
