he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
