I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
