Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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