Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
God, I missed his penis.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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