Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
