I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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