It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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