i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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