You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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