I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
one two three fourrrrnication!
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
