I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
