there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
