He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
