i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
