Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
