He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
