I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
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