i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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