He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
