Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
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