some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize