im six kinds of drunk right now
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
