He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
