my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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