I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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