I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
