Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
