Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
