it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
