I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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