I just saw a hot homeless man
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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