Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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