i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Randomize
