It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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