ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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