Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
