He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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