This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
