the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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