Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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