She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
