so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
