shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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