Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
