This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
