Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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