im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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