so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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