Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
