tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Randomize
