Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
