I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
