she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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