i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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