Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
