im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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