She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
