I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
