Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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