By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
