I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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