you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
